The floor was cold on my feet as I came out of the bathroom. I put my snow boots back on to warm up. For a split second I questioned what I was about to do.
“Was I ready for this?”
“Did I really know what I was doing?”
We got in a line and one by one made our way to our destination. I was second to last when a friend called out my name and had me move up in line. “Oh boy,” I thought, “even sooner than I thought.”
It was my turn, I took off my boots and I walked the three small steps and dipped my foot in the water. Lukewarm wasn’t so bad. A friendly hand welcomed me in, and I hesitantly settled in as my friend smiled and said, “I didn’t know you were doing this today, I am so excited for you!” I smiled in agreement and the nervousness was replaced with excitement as he began to pray and I was baptized.
This was my 30th day sober.
The lights go out, there is a still silence over the full auditorium. The music begins and bright images project onto the large screens that tower over the congregation. “Oh no,” I think, as the baptism video begins and my eyes begin their water works. I’ve experienced this many times throughout the last year and a half since I first attended The Crossing.
Oh, how I wanted to to be baptized.
Then anxiety would set in and my head would tell me, “You can't. You're a drunk. What would they do, dip you in vodka instead of water?” Yes, this is what I would think.
I've always had a desire to get baptized. I’ve always wanted to, but as each season of the “going public with your faith” event arrived, I couldn’t do it. I felt, out of respect to Jesus and being a God-fearing woman, I couldn’t get baptized.
I loved Jesus, believed in Him, prayed daily, and looked to Him for guidance. But I was also living “halfway”. I was a drunk, and my conscience was full of shame.
Hebrews 9:14 “How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience that has been freed from dead works!”
Many times Pastor Kelly would talk about baptism meaning that a follower of Jesus was proclaiming their faith publicly. Each time I heard that, I wanted to. No matter how hungover I felt that Sunday morning, or how I knew I was going to go get wasted after a Saturday night service, the Holy Spirit put that desire in my heart to get baptized.
I was living multiple lives. Many alcoholics live a “double” life. If that’s the case, then I was living a “triple life.” One life was a functioning alcoholic, the second drank and partied myself stupid with friends a few nights a week, and the third attended The Crossing and longed so much for the courage to get rid of the other two lives.
I've never been baptized before. Not because I couldn’t -- I hid my drunken life pretty well -- but I knew in my heart I wasn’t fully living for Jesus. I was living on the fence. Half my way and half God’s way. My way included alcohol, lust, Xanax, naps, and yoga. This made my triple life “manageable” in my mind.
On my anniversary of 30 days sober a friend told me, “I am so proud of you! The first 30 days are the hardest.” Yes, they are hard.
Quitting the bottle is like breaking a bad habit! As a drinker, one thing can happen in your day and BOOM! You just mentally justified the rewarding bottle you will pick up on the way home.
But that bottle never solved the problem.
The Xanax didn’t take away that heartache and loneliness.
Naps couldn’t rest me enough.
Sex couldn’t fill the emotional and physical empty void I felt.
Yoga only took care of my back pain.
Life was a lot harder way before my 30 days sober, and part of my celebration included being baptized on Valentine’s weekend.
When I first came out of the water, I didn’t feel a supernatural hard-hitting “God” moment as some would expect me to say. I honestly thought a supernatural rush of relief would come over me.
I was happy I did it, a bit chilly, and a little worried about my make-up running down my face.
That said, in the moments and days that followed, an undeniable peace began to embrace me.
Known as a “high-strung” woman in the recent past, I completely looked for an answer as to why this spirit of calmness has come over me. Then I quit trying to answer my questions and embraced the Holy Spirit that is now living in my life.
Yes, the last 30 days have been hard, but life was so much harder before that 30.
The triple life is gone and peace is here because now I am only living one life for Jesus.
- Anonymous
Contact us here if you'd like to go public with your faith on Easter weekend!
...so I prayed and I got the promotion, which of course brought stress with it. But on Saturday I was listening to my Drive Time Declarations CD and in it Pastor Eric says, "Keep your focus on Jesus and God will take care of your stress."
I finally got it!!! That huge life-changing moment!!! I do not have to keep trying to come up with all these ways to deal with my stress, because God is taking care of my stress from now on!
He actually has probably been trying to take care of my stress for a while now, I just haven't been letting Him. I am a happy woman! Thank y'all and thank God!
Drive Time Declarations are a great way to boost your faith each morning. There are several different topics to choose from. Stop by The Shop at The Crossing & pick up a copy or two to get you through your week!
On my way home on a Friday night, after a 12-hour shift, I broke down crying. "I feel alone, I almost feel that I have never felt this alone ever," I thought. Although I had been alone many times before, this time I was feeling it sober for the first time in a long time.
Calling my sister, I broke down crying. I was feeling anticipation, stress from my pompous boss and upcoming events that could possibly tempt me to drink.
It was overwhelming, because an alcoholic always feels overwhelmed.
Through deep, full-body sobs to my sister at 11:30 pm, I realized I was finally walking the straight but narrow path Jesus has wanted me to be on for so long.
I knew this path would not be easy, but I began to question my ability to survive this recovery.
This was my thirteenth day sober.
We’ve all had loss. Some more than others.
As my "woe-is-me-I-am-all-alone" rant came to a close, and I dried my tears, I began to understand why I felt alone and why my most recent losses of close companions in life were gone.
I was following God’s plan for my life. I was now fully committed to this change for the first time in my life, and this was a piece of the plan in His puzzle for my life.
Three people I cared deeply about, that were not blood-related, have been taken out of my life in last six months.
Not by death or relocation, just gone.
"I loved being around them and all three of them are gone. I need to pray for sober friends. It's just so hard," I cried to my sister on the phone.
Three people that meant so much to me: my best friend of over eight years, my ex-boyfriend-evolved friend, and a new close friend had all disappeared out of my daily life.
Facebook posts, long-winded voicemails, phone calls, and text messages no longer filled my inbox.
I became sober on January 15 and I committed my entire life and will to Jesus. I’ve immersed myself into the Word of God more and more. With each passing day, I’ve realized they have not disappeared from my life in vain.
My best friend of many years condoned my behavior. I would drink and party with others who were ten+ years younger than I am. It wasn’t just the age gap - I’m a mom, a person with responsibilities. Many of my "party friends" were not at the same stage of life. When I questioned my drinking habits to her, I got the answers I wanted to hear. She would quickly assure me my drinking wasn’t a problem. "You’re single, this is what you do," she would say. I got the answers I wanted from someone I trusted.
Woohoo! I didn't have a problem.
But really, HOW could it not be a problem? I always ended up meeting and dating the wrong people. No, my drinking and dating practices were not my best friend's fault. She did not mimic my behavior either, but she gave me the answers I wanted to hear.
November
On my birthday I met my new best friend. It was the end of summer. We would party, drink, text, chat, and hang out all the time. For almost three months she was part of the foundation in my life. I wasn’t lonely anymore, and she quickly replaced the loss I felt over losing my best friend. But as quickly as she came in, she was gone.
December
My ex- boyfriend-turned-best-friend had been a part of my life for the past three years. After I lost my best friend completely, he became my confidant and drinking buddy. We always had a good time, laughed, and bickered like an old married couple.
He filled the lonely void, until the day he got busted for a DUI. I was the passenger.
His new sobriety left him my friend, but I felt he had a hidden anger toward me I had never felt before.
Our friendship ended with a smashed pizza on his floor in a drunken frustration by yours truly, while he vented his anger at me.
"Go out with a bang!" I always used to say. And I did.
From November to January (yes, the holiday season) I drank more than I had in years. I was alone and felt unloved, full of shame, unneeded, and useless.
But it was in this lonely spot, the bottom of my five years of living at "rock bottom" that I reached my breaking point. I was vulnerable, lonely, and empty.
This was when Jesus intervened.
I’m stubborn and bossy. Jesus knew exactly where I needed to be so I could and would make a final decision to surrender myself to Him completely.
He filled me with a desire for sobriety and the ambition to do more with my life. I always had the desire to succeed. I had dreams, but those dreams were quickly put on the back burner when I tried to manage my dreams and alcohol.
When you have alcohol, you already feel like a rockstar when you drink. When you are sober, that rockstar desire fades.
God allowed my life to become empty and lonely so He could fill it back up. I brought myself to that low level, but it was where I needed to be so God could finally prove to me that He was in charge.
Once I turned to Him in that loneliness, I found out He is all I need.
He can heal the pain of broken relationships. He can heal the stress of my everyday life. Instead of turning to alcohol, I turn to Him. Again, it is through my relationship with Jesus that I have the strength to deny that voice in my head that tells me I’m no-good, unlovable, and a drunken whore.
Ephesians 5:18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit.
In no way am I saying that the lives of all people who drink will be ruined. I have an addiction. I don’t drink unless it is to feel a buzz or get wasted. I’ve learned this is not normal.
God pursued me even before I gave up the "juice" (that’s what I called alcohol) twenty days ago. I could feel Him after me. And He got me. Yes, me. A thirty-year old party girl (ok, 35), with a hilarious personality that could make the grumpiest man chuckle. Jesus got me, and I became more than a funny drunk.
I became a light for Him. I am a spotlight that shines for Jesus!
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
- Anonymous
What you just read is a continuation of this person's story.
Are you ready to let Jesus transform your life? Check out a Crossing Recovery meeting near you!
Hi,
I just wanted to share a story with you.
I've been going to The Crossing for almost 5 years. I try to get my teenagers to come, but I don't force the issue because faith is a personal choice. I just hope that they will see a change in me and want that joy for themselves.
I gave my 18-year old the new Found My Worth CD to listen to on his drive to school today. I just received the following text from him:
"Thanks for the CD of The Crossing. I can honestly say that going to The Crossing for part 1 of the Overflow series completely changed my outlook on life and made me a much more complete person. I was also pretty skeptical of the whole Christianity thing for awhile, and looked like more of a chore than what it really was. I now truly believe, and can't thank you enough for it. Love you and appreciate what you and Dad have been doing."
What an awesome moment for a parent...to know your teenager (18) believes!!
I am so thankful that God planted Pastors Eric and Kelly in Elk River, and for everyone that makes worship possible. Attending The Crossing has been life changing for me and my family.
THANK YOU!
I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes that morning, only to find it was 10:15 a.m.
I was scheduled to be to work by 11:15 a.m. I work 35 minutes from home, and still had to deliver my youngest son to school. His school day starts at 9:12 a.m.
It had happened again.
I looked at my phone and saw outgoing messages finally ending at 5:59 a.m. I thought I passed out by 3 a.m.
Shame set in, and the voice inside me said, “You will never be able to stop this!” “Look what you did!”
This was the beginning of my first day sober.
A New Story
I just left my second Crossing Recovery meeting tonight. It's about twenty minutes to eight, and I feel a complete sense of peace right now. For an addict, peace is hard to come by. It is something not easily found - physical, mental, or emotional peace.
Tonight in Zimmerman, “K-dog” gave a talk about peace. Well, that is what I took from it. I feel at peace because I have finally humbled myself to Jesus and now believe that He does have my back and He is here for me.
K-dog talked about how his past thinking left him believing he was unlovable. Something the devil wanted him to believe, so he could keep him in his “old” lifestyle.
In the last five days that I have been sober, I have really been diving into the word of God along with reading “Unhooked and Untangled.”
Aside from experiencing the breaking of the stronghold of alcohol that has kept me in my own mental, emotional, and physical prison for the past five years, I admitted and have accepted that I couldn’t get sober on my terms. I was believing I could, and I could not.
I have made deals with myself like: “I'll only drink a night or two a week.” I even tried switching from beer to vodka to “save on calories.”
It has been an insane roller coaster of which I was not only the passenger, I was also the operator.
It is lies the enemy tells us that keep people like me on this roller coaster.
The lies kept me on this ride that began as “a good time”, but only left me feeling shame, anxiety, and lonely, along with heartache in the end.
All that changed this week and I give all the credit to the grace of Jesus that's given me the courage to accept my problem. For the first time in five years I am experiencing an inner peace and confidence in sobriety, and it all began with a Crossing Recovery meeting.
My first EVER recovery meeting was last Thursday in Elk River. I felt relief to be there. It was like a huge sigh just arriving. But even sitting there, in my first meeting, I could hear the devil lying to me.
As they announced chips (which are given out as milestones of recovery), so much of me did not want to walk up front for that first 24-hour chip, but I did.
Instantly I felt a complete hot flash running through my body. I grabbed that 24-hour chip. My sister was sitting there, so proud of me, and I couldn’t even look up as I made my way back to my seat. I didn’t want to see the people giving me applause for going up to admit, “Hey, I’ve been sober 24 hours.” I felt shame, and they didn’t know I felt this way or that I had chosen sobriety only 36 hours prior.
Both of the meetings I've been to have instilled hope in me and given me confidence. Now I know I can do anything through Jesus, especially sobriety.
Crossing Recovery reassured me it's okay to feel shame, it's ok to feel humility, and it's ok to feel vulnerable. Jesus is there to take away all of those negative feelings and take care of me.
As an alcoholic, I know I need meetings to succeed in my sobriety. I also need them for confidence to get me through the week. They help me to know there are others who have been where I’ve been, and that I’m not a freaking out, insecure, neurotic and emotional human being.
I may not be “all the way home” yet, but Jesus reveals Himself in so many ways when you finally receive what He has planned for you and open yourself up to the life He offers you.
My first meeting, I left feeling hopeful.
Tonight I’m leaving with peace. I know the devil always tries to be in my ear, but I know he is a liar.
Just like in a dysfuntional relationship, you begin to see through the lies. I can now see through the lies that enter into my mind because of Jesus and His grace.
But he gives us even more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but favors the humble.” (Acts 4:6)
- Anonymous
Are you ready to let Jesus transform your life? Check out a Crossing Recovery meeting near you!
We grew up, were baptized, confirmed, and married with a strict church background. We left our home church when we moved to Ramsey, and became members at another church. Our children were confirmed there, and we attended throughout their youth. We loved it there! Then change came, and it never felt the same after that. We struggled and prayed, asking God for guidance.
My daughter felt more strongly than I did about the lack of connection and, as a result - after regularly attending church our whole lives - we stopped.
I was never at peace with not attending. I knew and had read about The Crossing Church, and I encouraged her to attend with me. God told me to bring her to The Crossing. I tried and I tried, but she would not commit to attending.
My other daughter has been attending The Crossing for some time now, and I asked her to talk to her sister. It took a while, but Sunday was the day I had been awaiting for soooooooo long. The three of us were able to worship, and we were moved and touched beyond words. Tears streamed down our faces in realization that we had found our place of worship, and I felt God was present and looking down with a HUGE smile. He was so right! (I know, no surprise...)
The service was amazing, and I was extremely moved at a level beyond words. As I watched those present, I noticed an amazing amount of love, care, compassion, and commitment to God. The messages and sermon by Pastors Eric and Kelly were incredible! I was so impressed at the level of care, compassion, thought, preparation, and the real life stories that helped deliver the message. It was absolutely awe-inspiring!
Pastors Eric, Kelly & everyone at The Crossing have something very special going on, and we feel in the deepest parts of our hearts and souls that God has called us to you all.
You can count on seeing us this Sunday and many many other Sundays, Thursdays, and any other day! Words cannot express our appreciation. Thank you and God bless!
The experience of walking into The Crossing for the first time is amazing! Friendly, kind-hearted faces welcome you right away. Someone from the Welcome Team notices that you are wandering around looking confused and asks you if this is your first time here. You answer, "Yes," and then start bawling your eyes out. You try to explain what you did wrong, who you are mad at and why, and that you feel guilty for the way your life has been, but the person smiles and stops you halfway through.
You think: Oh great, they're going to tell me I am not wanted or welcome here now that they know who I am...
But that is not the case.
Instead they say, "You can keep talking if you would like, I am a good listener. But I want you to know you don't have to feel guilty. No one is going to judge you here, no one is perfect here, and we are all here for the same reason. We are all broken!"
That one statement gives you the courage to stay and not run.
You grab some coffee and it's time to head into service. Someone helps to find you a comfortable seat and the music starts. You see that every one looks happy and is smiling and looks like they are all part of one big happy church family, and that is what you want.
This is exactly what happened to me. Now I am part of a big church family, serving on a volunteer team, and, most importantly, I now know I am loved by Jesus and so many people because of this church!
It might not all happen in one day for you, but if you keep coming back, you will find out that you are deeply loved, highly favored, greatly blessed, totally righteous, and destined to reign... because of Jesus.
Hi Crossing Church,
I wanted to share this story with you to show you how HUGE our faith has grown since attending your awesome church. The whole church family and your super leaders have really sparked something supernatural in our family, and it is only growing bigger and bigger.
This story is long, but worth the read.
About two months ago, I met a girl very briefly at my work. For some reason, the second that I saw her I heard God tell me she needed our help. As most sane people do, I tried to brush it off as my own mind talking and I kind of ignored it.
So this girl started coming into my work about four days a week just to buy juice and food for her two boys. She was always on foot, and this bothered me more and more as it got colder. My husband and I just got a new truck and were trying to sell our old Toyota 4 Runner. It needed tires and brakes and mechanic rates are outrageous on those things, so I just marked the price accordingly.
After service four Saturdays ago, I just KNEW God wanted me to give this car to this woman. As we walked out of church I was about to tell my husband I might be nuts, but I needed to give the Toyota away. He beat me to it when he said, "We aren't selling that car very fast, don't you know someone that needs one?"
At that second I knew God was serious, and that I needed to fix it up and give it away. It was a little terrifying because we had several contractors that owed us big money that were not paying us fast enough to keep up with our bills. I told myself, "God will take ABUNDANT care of us," and completely ignored our finances.
I called a mechanic friend and told him I was pretty broke, but I needed him to get me a set of new tires and fix the brakes for cost only. Because he knew something was up, he agreed. This took a few weeks because he has another full-time job, but we got the car fixed up.
This Sunday after service, I finally won the mental argument with myself (I'm an accountant and money wasn't adding up...) and took the leap of faith I knew God had asked me to make. I told my husband and two younger boys that we were going to Target to buy the coolest toys we could find.
We shopped without a care in the world and got some pretty cool toys! As the cashier told us the total, God told me not to worry, He had it covered.
We called her to see if she would be home in an hour because we had something to give to the boys. She agreed to wait for us. We wrapped up all the presents and put a big red bow on our little car.
When we got there, I hid the car and asked her to come outside with the kiddos. As the boys came running, she walked with a look of exhaustion. When we showed her the car, she was so shocked she didn't believe me! She told me that her day was going horrible and this was not a funny joke!
After some convincing, we finally got her to go open the car door. Her boys were so excited when we told them that the car was for them to keep. They were screaming, "Mom! Mom! We have a car, we don't have to walk everywhere anymore!"
After all that excitement, we told the older boy to check out the back seat. He said, "You forgot to take your presents out of the back." When they found out the presents were for them, too, they really went crazy! They tore into their presents and my kids jumped into the hatch back with her kids to have a Nerf gun fight with their new toys.
It was so beautiful that I instantly thanked God for the gift of being able to give, my heart was so full and happy I thought I would start puking out God's love everywhere! So we left them and thought our awesome moment was over...
My friend called me an hour later in tears and told me that before we got there, she had been packing backpacks of all the clothes that she and the boys could carry. We did not know that the cousin she was staying with had told her she needed to move out by 5 pm Sunday afternoon. She said she had spent the day crying, trying to figure out what to do to keep her babies warm. She swears that God sent us to be her guardian angels and that she was afraid she was not going to be able to keep her children safe any longer!!
After all of that overwhelming joy, Monday showed up and I didn't panic about our bills that were edging on overdue. I told myself that our awesome God would provide for us as we needed it. I got a phone call from a contractor telling me that they couldn't afford to pay us all that they owed, but I could pick up a very small check at 2 pm.
I halfheartedly went to get the check, thanked them for trying, and left. I didn't even open the envelope until I got to the bank drive-up. As I signed the back, I noticed the amount looked funny. It turns out the woman got paid from someone before I got there. The check she gave me covered what was due PLUS EXTRA for our upcoming job with them! I had more than $3,000 in my hand when I expected less than $1,000, thanks to the God of overflow!!!
That was so cool, I thought for sure that the greatness of this event was over, except it wasn't. I put a video of us giving the car away on Facebook, hoping to spark some positivity and generosity with some of my friends. This has gone VIRAL in a super way!
It's shocking to us, but our two videos have been viewed more than 2,000 times. Usually my phone alerts annoy the life out of me, but it really won't stop buzzing me about all the views and comments. Also, 30+ people that we don't even know have shared our videos and challenged others to give to others that are in need. I can't wait to see every comment and all the good that God creates out of just one small desire to show a young mother some hope!!
This has been the most soul-filling event that has ever happened to us in our whole lives, and I am so thankful to The Crossing for giving me the courage to take that leap of faith and just listen to God when He calls.
Without your great leadership, we probably would not have had the courage to do this. Thank God and thank you Crossing Church!
CLICK HERE to learn more about the God of Overflow.
